Avengers: Age of Ultron Movie Review

Well, I remain very impressed by Marvel Studios’ output. Even with a majority of positive reviews, I was a tad concerned about Avengers: Age of Ultron. There were a fair amount of reviewers who said it was overstuffed, full of too many characters and too much action. Worst of all, according to some critics, Age of Ultron ignored the new post-heroic status quo of Tony Stark. Remember at the end of the abysmal Iron Man 3 how Tony blew up his Iron Legion and decided to hook up rather than step up? Heaven forbid that character-destroying moment be ignored! More like “Thank Goodness!”

So with that out of the way, how is the actual movie? It’s good. It is everything we loved about Joss Whedon’s first Avengers film. It is fun and full of character. There are action moments for every single hero and villain. And most importantly, James Spader, like Tom Hiddleston before him, steals the show as the film’s villain.

I’m not a huge James Spader fan. It isn’t that I don’t like him, just that our paths have never really crossed in my extensive media consumption. But man, I’m a fan now. With his voice alone, Spade establishes the playful and malevolent outlook of the MCU’s Ultron. When he’s not on screen, I found myself anticipating the next ridiculous, great line of dialogue Ultron would have for me. A strong antagonist is SO important to a good narrative. And Joss Whedon knows it; he’s had the best two villains in the entire Marvel movie library.

The entire ensemble is excellent, as you’d expect. But Captain America is my favorite, and Chris Evans does a fantastic job in the role once again. Cap is a straight arrow, but man, he backs up his morals with actions. From the opening exchange with Iron Man all the way to Cap’s moral declaration at the close of the movie, Cap is the friggin’ man. One of my favorite things about Marvel movie Cap is the power boost he’s received. Giving him a touch of super-strength really makes his action scenes pop, especially when he takes on Ultron one on one.

I expect the top-notch moments from Thor and Iron Man, so the badass moments from Hawkeye and Black Widow are always a treat. Hawkeye gets a lot of back-story and a good rivalry with the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, while Black Widow continues to do a TON of the heavy lifting in the Marvel U. How is it that I like the Widow so much more in the movies than in the comics? Scarlett Johansson’s Widow has been an integral character in Marvel’s Phase II movies; I can’t wait to see her continue to shape the Marvel U.

All this rambling, and I’m short-changing the Hulk, the Vision, Nick Fury, and Maria Hill, who all get their moments to shine. Surprisingly enough, the Vision was my 7-year-old’s favorite character!

Did you come for the Easter eggs? Again, Marvel knows the score. We get hints of Amadeus Cho, Klaw, and Black Panther. We see Thanos again. There is even the equivalent of the “Cap’s Kooky Quartet” era of Avengers. (For those who don’t know, a bunch of the founders left the team early on in the comic run, leaving Cap, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Hawkeye to man the fort.)

So at the end of this one, we’re set up for the next big moments in Marvel movies. We’ve got teases of the upcoming split between Cap and Iron Man for Captain America 3: Civil War. The “Infinity Stones” are out there, with Thanos hot on the trail to create his Infinity Gauntlet. And we’ve got some nice seeds planted for the Black Panther. Plus, a fertile Marvel U ready for more Netflix TV shows.

All in all, I don’t see how Marvel fans can be anything but thrilled. We live in an era where comic panels come to life on the big screen, and look fantastic doing so. There is a moment in the film where Thor, Iron Man, and the Vision are all blasting Ultron with their different energy blasts. All I could think was “my goodness, as a kid I dreamed of getting something like this, and here it is. And there is more to come.”

Avengers: Age of Ultron is an EXCELLENT film. (It ranks right after Guardians and Winter Soldier.)

Guardians of the Galaxy Movie Review

As parents know, it is impossible to pick your favorite kid. After sitting down and watching Guardians of the Galaxy in IMAX this weekend, I have that feeling again. I simply can’t choose a favorite Marvel movie. I adore the Avengers. Captain America: The Winter Soldier was one of the most dynamic action movies I’ve ever seen. Iron Man started this whole thing. And yet I think Guardians is right up there. The mix of action, humor, and mind-blowing special effects puts this in the discussion for best Marvel movie so far.

But my dilemma isn’t limited to the film itself. Not only can I not figure out where this movie fits in the Marvel ranking, I also find myself unable to pick a favorite Guardian. James Gunn did such a masterful job divining the best parts of each character, I’m stunned. This movie absolutely packed with characters and locations, and yet it flows together. I’m a comic nerd, so it is no surprise that I was able to follow it, but my 9-year-old daughter was happily along for the ride too.

Chris Pratt has been an affable doofus on Parks and Rec for so long that seeing him anchor a huge movie like this is almost like seeing a friend make good. His Star Lord is heroic, doofy, and laugh-out loud funny. I didn’t think I’d care for his costume, but frankly, a mask would have been too constrictive. Besides, Gunn makes sure to put Pratt back in costume when it is time for a “splash page” worthy moment. Gunn knows his comics.

I had confidence in Vin Diesel as Groot. We’ve seen him make a lot out of a little with his vocal work in Iron Giant, so seeing him bellow out “I am Groot” is quite satisfying. The visual effects work is above reproach, at no moment did my eyes doubt anything about the huge anthropomorphic tree up on the screen.

The toughest thing for me to admit is that I was totally wrong about Bradley Cooper. I think I forgot he was an actor. I was terrified of a smooth-talking, frat boy Rocket Raccoon. But Cooper instead delivers a pitch-perfect performance as the wise-talking rodent. Rocket is basically the second Han Solo for this film (with Star Lord as the first). Rocket has some of my absolute favorite lines, and he’s my favorite character from the Guardians comic. I was afraid Gunn had made a mistake here, too. But no, Cooper is absolutely perfect.

Zoe Saldana has the unenviable task of being the straight woman in a pack of outlandish characters, and she anchors the film by taking everything seriously. Her back and forth rivalry (both physical and emotional) with Karen Gillen’s Nebula is the most personal connection between the antagonists and our heroes.

As a WWE fan, I had some sincere concerns about “Big Dave” Bautista’s abilities to act alongside these other professionals. Again, my fears were assuaged when Batista actually got on screen. He looks great, he fights great, and he has some of the best lines of the film. In fact, in the few days since I saw the movie, I think I’m quoting Drax the Destroyer the most! I was pulling for Bautista to not look bad, and instead he just about steals the show. Come back to wrestling, Bautista! I think you’ll get cheers now!

Lee Pace’s Ronan, Josh Brolin’s Thanos, Michael Rooker’s Yondu, and glorified cameos from Glenn Close, Benicio Del Toro, and John C. Reily round out a stellar cast that makes this world feel full. Alien, human, or CGI, the characters make this movie move.

One of my favorite things about this film is that it isn’t an origin movie. These characters have exciting lives and stories that have been going on for years. Gunn trusts us enough to throw us in the race and expect us to keep up. This movie is EXCELLENT and recommended for absolutely everyone with a pulse!

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Movie Review

I’ve been raving about this one for days, so it is time to post my official review.

I LOVED Captain America: The Winter Soldier. This is probably my favorite Marvel movie other than the Avengers. Heck, I’d be hard-pressed to say which film I enjoyed more.

The amazing thing about this movie is that it does so many things so well. Directors Anthony and Joe Russo, along with the screenwriters, have jammed this full of everything I look for in a comic-book movie. Heck, it has what I look for in any movie!

From an action movie perspective, the Russos never let things get boring. There are action sequences peppered through the entire film. The audience never has to go more than 10 minutes before you get another set piece where stuff is blowing up or people are getting punched. Best of all, while Captain America definitely dominates the screen time, there are plenty of moments for the excellent supporting cast as well.

And that cast. What a glorious exploration of the Marvel U. Captain America, Black Widow, Falcon, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, the Winter Soldier, Alexander Pierce, and MORE! Brock Rumlow is there for you eagle-eyed comics fans! Batroc shows up in the first few minutes of the film, and he’s wearing purple and orange! This movie exults in the depths of Marvel’s catalogue of characters. Black Widow, Falcon, and Fury are particularly riveting; I found myself almost equally invested in them as in Cap himself.

The villains? If I had to pick a weak point, I guess I’d say the fact that Robert Redford’s Alexander Pierce doesn’t pose a physical threat might weaken him a bit. Winter Soldier is the heavy, of course, and he does a fantastic job. When the Soldier has his face mask on? Geez, that is one intimidating bad guy, especially seeing how well he can whip Cappy’s shield right back at him! But for those of us who know the Winter Soldier’s tragic back story, we know he doesn’t REALLY count as a full-on villain, right? And Rumlow is definitely a presence, but he’s there to plant a seed for the future, he’s not a prime time baddy now.

One of the most refreshing things about seeing comic characters on the big screen is seeing how the Hollywood lens can refocus our heroes. Cap’s physical prowess in this film is amazing. I enjoyed seeing him dive out of planes, run rings around his foes, beat the holy heck out of thugs while his shield “pings” away at them. But the scene that blew me away the most was a chase sequence. Watching Cap bull his way through an office building showed off his power and determination perfectly. I found myself cheering for every crash.

There are some folks who have complained about how a square like Cap can’t be a convincing or interesting hero. I say that type of comment says more about the reviewer than it does about Cap. Chris Evans is PERFECT as the sentinel of liberty. He’s honest, courageous, and funny while retaining his edge in combat. Cap doesn’t kill anyone he doesn’t have to, leaving most of his foes breathing but unconscious. Evans’ makes each line of noble dialogue sound eminently reasonable; this is the type of hero you’d WANT to protect you. Keep Man of Steel, this guy is a hero.

That is not to neglect Scarlet Johansson’s Black Widow or Anthony Mackie’s Falcon. Black Widow basically co-headlines the film. If you want a more nuanced, conflicted character fighting a murky past, then the Widow is the character for you. Johansson plays her to perfection; she makes ominous comments about not really being anything to anyone and references her dark past, but she’s clearly having fun teaming up with Cap and doing the right thing.

Anthony Mackie’s Falcon? This is a hard part to get right. He’s got to nice enough be instantly accepted as Cap’s new best friend, but still be enough of a hard-ass to get assigned with Cap-level tasks. Mackie does both.

So yeah. The Winter Soldier has everything. Comic book history. Easter eggs for longtime fans. Great characters. Top notch action. Excellent pacing. I’m going to go out and say it; this will probably end up being my favorite film of 2014.

Ultramarines: A Warhammer 40k Movie

Let me preface this by saying I’m not a huge fan of Warhammer 40k. It isn’t that I don’t like it; it is just that I’m not overly familiar with it. I’ve played some Dark Heresy RPG, I’ve painted some miniatures (the wrong colors, and never done any actual gaming with them). So I’m probably more familiar than most with the 40k concepts that show up in this film. For those who don’t know, this is an animated film, not live action.

Let’s start off with the good stuff. The voice acting is very strong. There are a lot of recognizable actors here, including John Hurt and Terence Stamp. Sean Pertwee is the lead space marine, and after seeing him in the similar Mutant Chronicles, it wasn’t a stretch to see hear him in this role. The ambient music and sound effects are quite good also. The sense of forbidding doom that creeps around the tainted planet is established quickly and effectively. The dialogue doesn’t win any awards, but it is effective at showing the grim dark future of Warhammer 40k. The marines refer to each other as brother, despise chaos, and constantly look to the Emperor for protection.

The bad? Everything else. The animation is very weak. The battle scenes are pretty hard to follow due to shaky cam. I don’t know why things need to be shaky in cartoon, but they are. The lack of any female characters keeps the interactions quite limited. The space marines are entirely indistinguishable from each other. I’m not sure if their armor markings actually changed or not, but it sure felt like they did. And once the helmets went on? I had no idea who anyone was, even the leads. It is hard to be worried about characters dying when you literally have no idea who it is.

There are only 12 Ultramarines on this mission. There are no named bad guys. There are almost no bystanders or other characters. And yet I still couldn’t figure out who was who. And keeping the cast of marines so limited made the space marines seem like a particularly disorganized organization. Why send 12 guys on a ship as enormous as the one we see them travel on?

So this is pretty flawed. I’d say it really is only for hard core fans who want to see the Ultramarines on their TVs, but I’m worried those people would be upset at the portrayals that veer too far from the game books. This is a movie to check out when it hits Netflix streaming. Any more commitment than that will leave you disappointed.

Thor: The Dark World Review

Overall, I really enjoyed the experience seeing Thor: The Dark World. It is a lot more “Star Wars-y” than I would ever expect from a Thor film, though. There are a couple sequences on an alien (dark elf) spaceship that felt like they came straight out of the rebooted Star Trek franchise. And the battle for Asgard involves elf fighters and spaceship versions of Viking longboats. I had to laugh in the theater, the sound effects and feel of the whole sequence was like Empire Strikes Back or Chronicles of Riddick.

Chris Hemsworth clearly enjoys the role, and watching him strut confidently around the screen is a joy. The ladies want to be with him, the men want to be him. As a big fan of female heroes, I wish Jaimie Alexander’s Lady Sif did more than give sidelong glances in between butt-kickings. She has so much potential. Natalie Portman’s Jane Foster is a walking plot device. She does what she can, but she spends so much time being moved around the board as a living MacGuffin that when she finally has an impact on the story, it felt like too little too late. I am also fully convinced that Marvel Comics needs to find a way to get Idris Elba’s Heimdall into the comics. He goes from an afterthought to a supporting character with potential with nothing but Elba’s gravitas.

Stealing the show, once again, is Tom Hiddleston as Loki. Honestly, how is it not a problem that the “villain” of the Marvel U has the most charisma out of any of the leads? Whenever Loki is on screen, the sense of humor involved goes up, but the dramatic weight of the scene doesn’t suffer for it. Thinking back on the film, almost every highlight involves the trickster son of Asgard.

As for the villains, they don’t hold up as well as the other Marvel movies. I think Christopher Eccleston tried his best, but he can’t act his way out of that much makeup. Malekith the Dark Elf is never more than a generic big bad with vague motivations. He has a few lines of dialogue that briefly raise the stakes, but not as many as Tom Hardy’s Bane from the Bat franchise. It takes a lot of good lines to raise a villain’s personality through masks and prosthetics. I have no problem with the inclusion of Kurse. There were enough nods to the comic to make the villain feel familiar, and Kurse is also the source of the most “comic-booky” moments of the film. Tell me you didn’t smile when he picked up that enormous boulder and tossed it at Thor. Physics be damned!

Perhaps I sound too down on this; it is a fun movie, filled with whimsy and action. Alan Taylor clearly has affection for the comic source material, and the feeling of adventure and excitement that permeate the film are hard to resist.  It is a tad long, and a tad too space opera, but if you want to see super-heroes banging ancient weapons off each other, this movie hits the spot.

Thor is GOOD!

(And other than the previews, pretty kid-appropriate too. My 8-year-old loved it.)

World War Z (2013)

Time for my occasional movie review!

I saw World War Z last night, and wow, did it shatter my already low expectations. The film had many problems, so I’m going to limit myself and only talk about a few of them.

As a zombie film, it totally misses the point. The entire creeping dread of a world going “zombie” doesn’t work if people turn 12 seconds after being infected. That movie, involving living monsters, was called 28 Days Later. An incubation period that short leads to an entirely different style of film, not a classic zombie movie. The 12 second incubation would also curb any possible spread of the virus worldwide on normal aircraft. While I believe I did see a zombie driving a garbage truck, I’m reasonably sure they can’t pilot aircraft. Let that sink in, a zombie was driving a frigging truck.

Now, before someone pops in to defend it, I heard the line of dialogue where the incubation period was at first a few hours, or minutes. If the virus is adapting and changing that rapidly, then sign off on the Earth, cause messiah Brad Pitt’s “fix” isn’t going to work.

One of the most haunting aspects of a good zombie story is the knowledge that these monsters were once people. Usually, a good, slow turn gets the point across nicely, but seeing zombies in their un-agitated state does it too. Normal clothes and surroundings can hint at the average life each zombie once led. This movie avoids that thought at all costs. In an attempt to hold a foolish PG-13 rating, the zombies never have any personality. They are chomping, leaping images created by a computer. They act more like angry frogs than any zombies I’ve ever seen. Hell, if you are doing fast zombies, you might as well put some chubby people in there, the zombies don’t all have to be marathoners if they are CGI anyway!

So those are some generic complaints on the lack of zombie-ness in the movie. Now the specifics.

Brad Pitt is the only person in the world with a functioning brain, eyes, and ears. No one, not even trained scientists or political leaders are capable of putting simple facts together. Nope, the world’s only and best hope is an unemployed pancake maker who thinks stacking suitcases in front a curtain will stop a horde of zombies.

Rarely have I seen a movie that so gleefully exists just for the main character. Convoluted, moronic set pieces await Brad Pitt all over the world. Innocent morons waiting to be eaten, zombies capable of jumping up onto helicopters, and more; they are all just waiting for Brad (and the camera man) to arrive so they can get things going. Honestly, the same plot is just repeated around the world: Brad arrives, surveys zombie situation, meets a few bozos, zombies overrun the bozos.

The action is shot with shaky cam. Shaky cam and CGI are a ridiculous mix. The zombies have superpowers that come and go as necessary. The entire world doesn’t take reasonable precautions, even in a zombie apocalypse. I mean, you built a wall to keep the zombies out; wouldn’t you want to keep an eye on it? Or a frigging camera? Who knows when the zombies might get the insane ability to turn into an undead escalator?

This was a good book, people. With great settings, characters, and unique situations that really said something about zombies, and yes, about society. That is what good zombie stories are supposed to do. Author Max Brooks did it. Director Marc Forster couldn’t. As a film, this was amateurish, insultingly stupid, and impotent. As an adaptation of a good book, it is devastatingly inept and ineffectual.

World War Z is POOR.

(And for those of you who liked it, I will try to help you. I’m going to put up a list of GOOD zombie movies so you can compare them.)

Pacific Rim Review

Let’s just put this out there: I loved Pacific Rim. The box office wasn’t fantastic, and I’ve heard that movie execs are a bit disappointed. One quote I heard is that “the audience that showed up for the movie are the same folks that knew they were going as soon as the project was announced.” That’s a crime, because this is a real crowd-pleaser.

I love my super-hero movies, but the cost of all that success is that relatively few big-budget action movies have original ideas. It is much easier to re-imagine The Lone Ranger or attempt to adapt a book than it is to come up with new material. Pacific Rim’s high concept draws on the past “Godzilla vs. giant robots,” but the execution is so much more than that simple summary.

As always, Guillermo Del Toro has created a multi-layered world where he’s thought out everything. Even better, he tells us the new status quo in the opening few moments through Charlie Hunnam’s voiceover as Jaeger pilot Raleigh Becket. We actually get to SKIP THE ORIGIN! THANK GOODNESS! I’m sick and tired of seeing heroes starting off and earning their place. It’s an important part of the hero’s journey, but it takes up a lot of minutes!

By skipping all that opening growth, we get to see a lot more monsters, Jaegers, and awesome locales. The names are tremendous. This movie gives you Gypsy Danger, Crimson Typhoon, the Shatterdome, and more. It is a comic book movie that went straight to film! And each Jaeger and monster has its own codename and design, there is so very much to look at!

In Pacific Rim, the giant Kaiju monsters have irrevocably changed the world, making it a much more dangerous place. The Jaeger program is humanity’s one and only defense against the gigantic beasts. Naturally, when combat breaks out between these gargantuan combatants, the battle often leaves a huge trail of destruction through coastal cities. For those of you who read my Man of Steel review, you might be wondering why I’m OK with the destruction here when Superman upset me so much. I’ll tell you; THE JAEGER PILOTS ACTUALLY TRIED TO MINIMIZE CASUALTIES.

Hunnam puts his own life at risk to save a fishing boat in the opening minutes. Idris Elba’s Stacker Pentecost is always giving orders to evacuate civilians away from dangerous areas. Unlike careless Superman who barrels into Smallville, the Jaegers make every effort to keep people safe. From what I understand, the reason the Jaegers don’t use more bladed weapons is because the Kaiju blood is toxic and poisonous, and the Jaegers want to minimize the exposure. (It’s a stretch, I’ll admit. I’d think those swords would get used a lot more.)

I haven’t even gotten to the automatic upgrades this movie earns. The awesome voice for Gypsy Danger’s onboard artificial intelligence? That’s a half-letter upgrade. The Unit’s Max Martini in a great supporting role? That’s a half-letter upgrade. A thrilling soundtrack that psyches you up for each fight? That’s another half-letter. So the WORST this thing could get would have been is a C-. 

But this movie is a heck of a lot better than that. It boasts clear choreography for the fight scenes and tremendous monsters designed by BPRD’s Guy Davis. (And these are very recognizable as Davis monsters. They made me miss BPRD!) Other than a few moments, the fighting is crystal clear and well laid out; this is the anti-Transformers.

I’ve seen the movie once; I’m planning to go again. I’ve bought two songs off the soundtrack. My computer wallpaper is now proudly showing off Gypsy Danger. See this movie and reward Hollywood for actually making an original action movie that trusts its audience to get it.

This is my favorite movie of the year. 

Pacific Rim is GOOD. 

Man of Steel Review

No time to talk. Must ponder. 

I read the debates and the tirades. I read the arguments about “my” Superman vs. someone else’s. And I really think that I went in to see Man of Steel with an open mind. Well, if not an open mind, I was ready to accept the film for what it is; a re-imagining of Superman set up to compete against Christian Bale’s Batman. And if that was the goal, then I think Zack Snyder really did nail it.

MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

For the first 15 minutes or so, I was enthralled. The scenes set on Krypton were a spectacle that more than delivered. I thrilled to the alien ships, sets, costumes, and fauna. From the animals to the insect-like spacecraft, I couldn’t get enough. I found myself stunned, thinking that DC’s Superman could launch a space opera like Star Wars if someone focused on material like this. I was so excited; I actually thought “Who couldn’t like a movie like this?”

Then things came to Earth. And Superman. He didn’t say anything for the first 40 minutes of the movie (or so) and after that, ol’ Supes barely added anything else. There wasn’t a whole lot to connect to with the dark-blue suited, cold, Superman. I blame his Dad. Kevin Costner as Pa Kent was one stern dude, and he sure gave Clark some daddy issues to carry around for the rest of his life. Pa took his lessons way too far, too.

Only in a few moments did Henry Cavill channel any of the likeable, relatable sincerity of previous cinematic Supermen. I liked the twirling landing with Lois Lane. The whole interrogation scene with the US Army was also charming. I could see Cavill’s charisma trying to break free from the dour, serious tone of the surrounding film. Nowhere was this more apparent than in the movie theater lobby. Two comic book posters sitting on the wall, right next to each other. Thor is grimacing, wielding his hammer, ready for a fight. Superman is staring pensively off into the middle distance, pondering heavy, emotional thoughts that weigh him down.

The supporting cast is great from start to finish. Amy Adams is a charming Lois Lane; it is hard not to root for her. Lawrence Fishburne felt natural as Perry White. The lack of Jimmy Olsen did bum me out; was he too “silly” to get put in this dramatic film? Russell Crowe had way more to do than I expected. And are you really dead if there is a computer program running around that is basically you?

Of course, Michael Shannon was a great Zod. He really seemed to live in that heavy Kryptonian battle armor. It looked great on him, and his square head looked like a natural helmet. I loved the way Shannon was all business until the end, when he stated the reason he was so dedicated to his cruel path.

And the fights! The super-hero battles looked great. The POV punches knocking people around town. Snyder’s use of snapping into and out of focus for faraway shots. The use of larger than life weapons. It was all visually stunning and entertaining, as I’d expect from Snyder.

Not sweating the property damage.

But man, that’s not my Superman. My Superman wouldn’t START a fight by plowing his foes into his hometown, then proceed to wreck it. At the least he’d move the battle away from innocents. He wouldn’t destroy his last link to his birth world to send a more dramatic message to Zod. And he surely wouldn’t have allowed such a hugely destructive battle to literally level Metropolis. I understand a lot of that is inherent in the huge threat he faced, but man, the loss of life must be in the millions. That city was absolutely destroyed. And AFTER that, Superman started punching Zod through occupied buildings! That’s insane!

I actually don’t have a problem with Superman taking Zod out the way he did. Zod forced his hand, Zod wouldn’t quit, etc. BUT, I guess we’re supposed to just assume that Superman COULD taken that action at any time, but the people in those buildings weren’t as worth getting as riled up over as that family in the train station. I’m pretty sure a lot of kids died when their apartment buildings collapsed.

So, basically this is an entertaining but flawed film. As a super-hero movie, it actually holds up OK. Good villains, great special effects, nice fights. As a Superman movie, it doesn’t hit the mark for me. Superman doesn’t inspire, doesn’t engender any trust, and is pretty darn reckless. Heck, he’s actually selfish! He STEALS CLOTHES! My Superman would at least do some chores to pay the family back, right?

This is a modern Superman story. My problem is I don’t want Superman modernized. He should be better. But that won’t make Warner Bros. the money. I get it.

The Energy Analyzer says that anything that raises awareness of comics is at least somewhat GOOD.

Iron Man 3 Review

Hey, I can actually see the other armors!

In some cases, better late than never does not apply.

I’ll start with the good stuff. Robert Downey Jr. was great as always, and I really liked Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper Potts getting a little bit of time in the suit. We didn’t get Rescue, but at least Potts got to be heroic. I actually liked a lot of the banter in Shane Black’s version of a super-hero film. The small asides, the depth of character given to throwaway thugs, I appreciated those small touches.

But that brings me to my first complaint. The level of bad guy didn’t increase enough! We had tons of small-time gun-toting crooks hanging around in Miami, with no backup from their hot compadres. Why not put a couple melting dudes in the compound too, doesn’t that make sense? Why leave them all at the oil rig?

And why, oh why, with the width and depth of the Marvel Universe available to you, would you have an army of guys WITH THE SAME UNDEFINABLE POWERS? Can they all breathe fire, or was Killian special? Why in the world would they give Pepper Potts the Extremis upgrade but not give it to Maya Hansen; she freaking invented it! How did they actually kill Killian? Didn’t they just blow him up repeatedly? He kept coming back until his lines in the script ran out, I guess.

Pepper's armor as it should be

Why have Killian form Advanced Idea Mechanics (AIM) if not one yellow beekeeper suit is even hinted at? Why use it at all? Roxxon got thrown in here too, but just as fan service.

And the Extremis powers. What the heck do they even do? Regeneration, obviously, but why are people blowing up? Was that on purpose? It seemed like the explosions were caused by people not handling their Extremis upgrades correctly, so how could the “Mandarin” be predicting certain numbers of attacks? Why did Rhodey mention that there were more attacks than what the public knew about? Is the “Mandarin” only announcing some of them on TV?

The Iron Patriot. UGH. The armor looked great, and the banter about the War Machine vs. Iron Patriot branding was consistently amusing. But the Iron Patriot never got to do anything. Don Cheadle spent the film flying to the wrong place or retreating. Why even put him in the movie? When you’ve got a character with an auto-cannon on his shoulders, I want to see it shoot! I want to see Don Cheadle rip into some bad guys as a SUPER HERO! Not as a generic action movie hero. This complaint applies to RDJr too, but he at least spends some time in the Mark 42 armor. (Too bad he doesn’t carry a cell phone, though.)

Iron Man, is that you?

The armor. Why bother to create an army of toyetic Iron Man armors with great names if you aren’t even going to show them? I’d say there were only three sets of armor that got screen time where you could clearly see the suit. I saw the Mark 42 silly flying armor, the Avengers armor, and the Igor suit that held up the collapsing building at the oil rig. Don’t put all those suits in, tease us with how cool they could be, then BLOW THEM UP.

In a world that clearly, clearly needs Iron Man, I think it is a bit selfish of Tony Stark to blow up all his suits. Hell, you know Happy Hogan would wear one (he was another bright spot in this film). Pepper Potts shouldn’t have been riding him either. That fireworks display made both characters seem petulant and self-indulgent.

Now that is the Mandarin!

Now it is time for the biggie. The moment where the movie crashed from a B down to my final grade of a D (it did continue to get worse, though). The Mandarin. How the heck do you take a historied, awesome character with a fantastic look and power set, and turn him into a silly actor? Listen, I understand Mandarin has some confusing history and origins, but clearly Black could have chosen one or made up his own. Now I’m heartbroken that he actually wore his rings in the commercial, because it means that really was Marvel’s attempt to bring the character to the screen. Ben Kingsley could have had a great take on him, but instead we get a mockery of the classic villain. The Batman Begins Ra’s Al Ghul trick is one thing, this is just insulting.

So yeah, this is the first time since Thomas Jane’s Punisher that I was considering walking out of the theater. I actually thought my time would be better going to sleep. I shouldn’t have stayed for the bonus scene, either. I want to be excited about the next movie, not just given a throwaway scene.

Iron Man 3 is proof that Comics are EVIL.