DC Rebirth #1: More an Essay Than a Review

This preview art is a big step in the right direction. 

So everyone is having their say about DC Comics’ Rebirth special, and why should I be any different? Like everyone else, I picked it up on Wednesday, and like most other people, I think I had a mostly positive reaction to it.

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD

So basically, Geoff Johns uses Rebirth to bring back Wally West, a much-missed character that never really appeared in the New 52. (I guess a more TV-ified version made it in, but I haven’t read too many DC books for the last few years so I’m not sure.)

Anyway, Wally has been trapped in the Speed Force for the past few years of comics time and he’s been unable to return to the DCU. In addition, like the characters we’ve actually been reading about, he de-aged about 10 years, although Wally still remembers the crazy stuff that happened to him.

Wally spends the issue bouncing around the DCU and either peeking in on characters who are about to get a push or actually making brief contact. From this, we know that Batman, the Legion, the JSA, Blue Beetle(s), Dr. Fate, the Atom, and more are all going to be featured by DC Comics. Even better, we see that they are all looking a lot more familiar, as Johns’ talented crew of artists undo a lot of the horrid New 52 design work and make these heroes look more like how we all picture them.

Some of the more standout moments include Batman realizing there are three Jokers, all of which seem pretty different. Aquaman and Mera are getting engaged to be married. This is a big deal because one of the well-publicized rules of the New 52 was that no heroes could be married, because then they’d be “too happy.” If you didn’t care for the armored, extra-bland New 52-Superman, you’re in luck, because this issue checks in with a Lois Lane-married, older Superman who seems a lot like the one we lost before Flashpoint. Heck, he even has Jonathan Kent with him (the Rebirth-era Superboy).

It also comes out that Wonder Woman has a twin brother. I’m pretty sure he gets namedropped as “Jason,” so my money is on Jason Blood (Etrigan the Demon’s alternate self) being Wonder Woman’s bro. It doesn’t really hurt either character and could be fun.

As Wally makes heartbreaking contact with his closest relations, it seems everything is doomed, but Johns does a great job concluding Wally’s dangerous state. I found myself very invested in Wally’s fate, even though I haven’t cared for DC Comics at all over the last few years.

After Wally is reunited with an old friend, Wally starts going on and on about how someone was WATCHING. How someone brought DARKNESS into the DCU and took away all the hope, love, and light that used to make heroes so great. Is that someone publisher Dan DiDio or Geoff Johns? Because they are the ones who created all these abysmal stories for the past 10 years. Nope, it’s way more meta than that.

It seems that the Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan, after the close of that magnificent series, infected the DCU. We even get some recycled Watchmen dialogue about how Dr. M wants a chance to create some life himself. So Dr. M either CREATED the DCU, or he heavily influenced it for the past 10 years or so. That would make Dr. Manhattan, not the actual DC Comics publisher, responsible for aberrations like Identity Crisis, Countdown to Infinite Crisis, Flashpoint, and the New 52. That is one ballsy move!

Clearly, DiDio and Johns were influenced by those “adult” stories in the mid-80s. Watchmen truly did change the course of the books DC Comics published. But in the world of the DCU, Dr. Manhattan actually floated out of his world and into the main publishing line. How insane is that?

So Dr. Manhattan is in the DCU. And I don’t think he came alone. It seems pretty clear that Johns has been planning this awhile, because Dr. Oz from some recent Superman stories sure reminds me of Ozymandius. Who else laughed at non-funny things besides the Joker? The Comedian, maybe?

Lots of folks have expressed dismay about the reuse of the Watchmen characters, but to be honest, for me, that ship sailed when DC published the Before Watchmen stuff a few years ago. DC Comics is clearly desperate. With their sales plummeting and interest in their comics waning, they had to do something big. And Rebirth qualifies. This is a grand, desperate attempt to court long-time readers and convince them that they can still read about a recognizable DCU.

And you know what? For me, it worked. The characters looked like they were supposed to. They sound like I expect. The mission statement of hope, love, and cooperation in the face of danger certainly sounds like what I want from DC. So I’m going to give them a chance. I’m planning on getting Batman, Superman, Blue Beetle, and Aquaman. I might be convinced to try JLA too, if I hear good things about Bryan Hitch’s writing.

[I asked my 11-year-old daughter, a pretty big comic fan, to read the issue and see how much of it resonated with her. She had zero understanding of any Watchmen bits, but overall still liked the book. She liked both Flashes, Blue Beetle, and mentioned that Superman needed to shave off his beard. She also liked the art in almost every chapter. She seems most excited about the upcoming Blue Beetle comic, proving that she truly is my daughter.]

So you did it, DC. You got me to give you another chance after I was long gone. I really don’t want you to mess it up.

Lost Character: American Eagle

Bad ass and modern!

For many years, Jason Strongbow, the American Eagle, wasn’t much more to me than a generic Marvel Universe Handbook entry. With his somewhat generic and possibly insulting costume, there really wasn’t anything there to make him a fan favorite character.

That all changed when Warren Ellis wrote him in Thunderbolts during the Civil War crossover. Suddenly, the Eagle’s boosted strength, speed, and limited invulnerability seemed AWESOME. If you have not read it, seek out Thunderbolts #115. It is an excellent issue with multiple cheer-out-loud moments. The upsetting thing is after this star-making performance thanks to Ellis, the American Eagle has done relatively little since. It is a pity; American Eagle has the potential to be one of the most popular Native American characters in comics.

Not a bad costume, but it might be offensive.

The original costume had its problems, but the updated look is simple and bad ass. With a modified motorcycle helmet and leather jacket, the new suit is less “super” but way cooler. This would be easy for cosplay, although the lack of a clear symbol might make the suit a bit hard to recognize.

American Eagle is still alive, and I believe still serving as a police officer on his reservation. That limits his long-distance storylines a bit, but as a guest star he’d be wonderful. A status quo change (maybe making him an FBI or SHIELD agent) would give him the opportunity to be a world-wide hero.

With an origin involving rare isotopes and Klaw’s sound beams, I think morphing American Eagle into an Inhuman would be easily retconned.

Costume: Lack of a symbol hurts a bit (+15)

Power Set: Fairly generic tough guy (+15)

Importance of Death: Still alive (+20)

Really an Inhuman?; Easily Retconned (+20)

Cosplay Chances: The helmet would the hardest part (+15)

Return Total: 85

One of my all-time favorite comic fights. 

Lost Character: Clea

That is a pretty sweet costume. 

Let’s take a look at Clea, one of the top sorcerers of the Marvel Universe and Dr. Strange’s main squeeze.

Clea was Dr. Strange’s student and eventual wife, giving her lots of valuable historical ties to important parts of the Marvel universe. She is basically another spell caster like Strange; magic users have vague enough powers that there is plenty of potential for variety and innovation. She has appeared in a ton of comics over the years, including whole runs where she was a supporting character. With Scarlet Witch currently starring in magic-based book, she could pop up there pretty easily. The most natural spot for a return is in the main Dr. Strange title, of course.

Her costume could be more dynamic, as the purple swimsuit over leggings is not very exciting. Some artists have given her some nice additional flair that jazzes it up though. Leggings, shoulder pads, pouches and body armor could all make her more unique looking. She’s also sported a cape on some occasions, which never hurts.

She can do anything Dr. Strange can do!

Clea actually isn’t dead, but is currently leading the resistance in the Dark Dimension against Dormammu. A clear opportunity for future stories!

Clea’s costume would be fairly easy to create and could be as racy or conservative as the cosplayer desired. With her white hair she could be easily recognizable as well. In fact, there was a Clea cosplayer at C2E2 this year!

Costume: Inoffensive (+15 points)

Power Set: Lots of Potential (+20 points)

Importance of Death: Still Alive! (+20 points)

Really an Inhuman?: Would be hard to retcon (0 points)

Cosplay Chances: Good (+20 points)

Return Total: +75

Good enough for Spidey? Good enough for me!

Lost Character: Orka

The killer whale who walks like a man!

Let’s start off with the big man himself. Orka.

Orka is a genetically engineered Atlantean warrior who got his power boost to better fight Namor the Sub-Mariner. I remember him best from his short battle with the Heroes for Hire in the late 90’s when he was pummeling Luke Cage. Cage responds with something like, “Christmas, that man punches like a howitzer!” Anyone who garners that reaction from Luke Cage must have potential.

Now, it seems that Orka died in Heroes for Hire #8 in 2007. He’s remained dead since that time. After going and researching his death thanks to Marvel Unlimited, I will judge that this does seem to be a fairly definitive death. But he was killed by the Headmen! That can't stick. And c'mon, he's a whale man! Surely some healing powers make sense...

You can’t tell me that in this Blackfish-aware world that there isn’t a more prominent place for Orka in the Marvel universe. As an environmentally-focused villain or simply as hired muscle, Orka’s design and power level make him perfect for a return.

More people need to punch like howitzers.

Cosplaying as Orka would require body paint and a big physique, putting it outside the realm of possibility for many cosplayers.

Costume: Great costume. (+20 points)

Power Set: Generic super-strength and swimming kind of hurt. (5 points)

Importance of Death: Quite inconsequential (+20 points)

Really an Inhuman?: Definitely (+20 points)

Cosplay Chances: Poor (0 points)

Return Total: 65/100

The muted colors don't pop as nicely as his original design. 

Lost Character: DC Comics

I'm going to avoid being too snarky and say something like "I really miss this guy!"

(Don't worry, I'll do DC characters too.)

Remember him?

Digging Up Lost Characters with the Energy Analyzer

The Prowler appearing in Amazing Spider-Man!

Sometimes, Energy Analyzers rediscover lost treasure.

We are in a golden age for lower tier characters from Marvel and DC comics. When I was a kid, one of my favorite things about the greater comic universe was the endless depth chart when it came to guest stars and villains.

These days we have D-Man appearing in Captain America: Sam Wilson. We have Cassie Lang taking on the name of Stinger in Ant-Man (along with Grizzly and Machinesmith!). We have Gilgamesh appearing in Hercules. Doctor Druid, Modred the Mystic, and Thundra are getting quality airtime in Squadron Supreme. Heck, James Robinson even used Sleepwalker in his recent Fantastic Four run! I’m sad to announce that my fave Black Knight’s book was recently cancelled, but at least he headlined for a few months.

(I will say that while I enjoy seeing Gilgamesh appearing in Hercules’ current book, I really miss the fantastic redesign that Daniel Acuna used in the most recent Eternals series.)

Look at Deadpool’s Mercs for Money; it has Stingray, Terror, Foolkiller and more. And Nightwatch was a big part of the recent She-Hulk series. Talk about obscure…

Since every character is just a spit-and-polish away from being an interesting supporting character or possible lead, I’m going to point out some characters that haven’t been used for years and years. I’m going to try to avoid folks who appeared in recent storylines, even if I miss them greatly. Folks like Richard Rider/Nova and Darkhawk fall into this category.

Gilgamesh's short-lived costume.

I’ll lead off my character profiles by making some observations about the characters Costume and Power Set. Unique costumes and great powers will earn more points than generic abilities and boring looks. Characters like D-Man and Amazing Spider-Man’s Prowler prove how easy it is to revamp a character’s look for modern sensibilities. I LOVE that Prowler redesign!

Take note, I will also not let myself be dissuaded by little problems like the character being dead. Comic companies forget who is alive or dead on a constant basis. And if the character was killed off in a little-read book or so quietly that a big nerd like me missed it? Well then that character should pretty much be alive anyway, right? If the character is currently dead, I will decide on the Importance of Death. If no one read it, why should it “stick?” How many times has Grim Reaper been killed off only to show up with no comment? Take note, this will hurt dead characters like Nomad or Black Goliath, who died during widely read runs or crossovers.

D-Man triumphant!

For Marvel characters, I’ll also make a judgment on how easily the characters’ origin could be rewritten to find out if he or she is Really an Inhuman. With inhumans overtaking mutants as the focus of the line, the difference between languishing in obscurity and a triumphant return might come down to whether or not Marvel can retcon the character’s genes!

Finally, we all see that Cosplay Potential is an important part of any character’s popularity these days. Gwenpool, Gwenom, and more are all actual characters basically because of cosplay. So how likely are people to latch onto this forgotten character as a con feature?

The final categories for judging the characters return will be the following. Each category can earn the character up to 20 points towards his or her Return Potential.

Costume:

Power Set:

Importance of Death:

Really an Inhuman?:

Cosplay Changes:

So follow @MrTimbotron on Twitter as I’ll be posting new characters along with a few thoughts as I find them. 

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #330 (1996)

Now this is some Ninja Scroll anime action! Dressed like characters in a film, Archangel and Wolverine team up with Gomurr the Ancient and Dr. Strange to obtain a sip of the Crimson Dawn. The one mystical medicine that could save Psylocke before she dies of her Sabretooth-inflicted wounds.

And let me just point out, I find it hilarious that Psylocke is all bandaged back at the X-Mansion with only her face and a large swath of cleavage left exposed. Just like the real doctors do! Ha!

Her rescuers fight their way through an assortment of mystical type bad guys, including the well-named Undercloaks. They are another set of generic bad guys, but they look a lot cooler than the mist men from last issue. The heroes also face the odd Tar, who seems pretty petty and vindictive for a super-powerful mystic deity. He zaps Gomurr just because he's lonely.

In the end, Dr. Strange somehow pulls a Psylocke min-fig out of Archangel's heart and plunges it into the Crimson Dawn. This representation of their love allows Psylocke to survive in a burst of mystical energy. Not sure how that works, but at least it wrapped up in two issues!

One weird thing is the way Wolverine constantly calls Archangel "kid." I mean, I guess it makes sense chronologically, but Angel has been around a lot longer than Logan. I don't think of Archangel as an inexperienced hero. I am enjoying the slow degradation of Archangel's metal wings. This is leading up to my favorite incarnation of Angel, the one with faint blue skin, blonde hair, and feathered wings. It seemed like the best of both worlds in the '90's and it still does now.

I hope you've enjoyed this year's 12 Days of X-Mas, I know I did. For all the hate that Scott Lobdell gets these days, these old X-Men issues are very readable. They aren't all classics, but they have well-laid subplots, decent action, good guest stars and an interesting mix of villains. Classic foes like Juggernaut and Sabretooth show up interspersed with folks like the Gene Nation and Tar. This isn't exactly a golden age of the best X-Men comics ever, but overall, they have been

GOOD

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #329 (1996)

Now let's start the review of Ninja Scroll #1! Oops, that actually probably starts a little more obviously next issue, but it sure is clear what Joe Madureira likes to draw. His manga influence is clear, but this is the story where he really gets to indulge it. With Psylocke on the verge of death back at the X-Mansion, Archangel and Wolverine head out to Little Asia to find more mystical help. They end up fighting some generic photoshop smoke ninjas. The poor quality of the photoshop really pulled me out of the comic, making it hard to get through. I don't remember having this problem when I first read the comic, but tricks like this don't age well. Putting Dr. Strange floating in front of an actual picture of New York City just looks distracting, not cool or realistic.

As always, though, Mad excels when drawing the costumed heroes. Archangel and Wolverine look great, even when rocking street clothes. Dr. Strange's big scarf look is well done too.

Scott Lobdell is joined by Jeph Loeb for this arc, and I wish I could say it helped. But there is the same stilted, purple dialogue that can be extremely hard to get through. After all, when the Mandarin changed Psylocke into a ninja, she came back as "something more. And something less." Ugh.

The other thing I noticed in this issue is how overpowering the caption boxes became. This is almost Chris Claremont levels of text crowding each panel. Trust the artist to tell the story, man! Joe Mad can handle it!

I had fond memories of this issue, but on re-reading it, I don't think it quite held up to my memories. The awful photoshop smoke warrior and the captions made it a lot harder to lose myself in the action than some of my other X-Mas reads.

Fair

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #328 (1996)

It is hard to admit, but clearly Scott Lobdell had a theme during this run of his X-Men comics. That theme is redemption. Joseph, Marrow, Sabretooth, and Gambit all struggled with it. Each character accepting and moving on... or not, in Sabretooth's case.

It turns out that the childlike Sabretooth who had been hanging in the Danger Room and chumming around with Boom Boom was faking. It is refreshing to see that not ever villain got "Venom'ed" into being a good guy in the 1990's. Nope, Sabretooth was faking, and as he makes clear in his dialogue this issue, he loves being bad.

He spends a long while needling Professor X about how silly it was for the Professor to think he can fix everything. This sequence includes a great bit of characterization when Cyclops talks about his code against killing. Scenes like this are the reason why I have such a disconnect from modern iterations of the character. (Hawkeye has the same problem for me in the Avengers titles.)

After the Professor, Cyclops and Jean Grey leave, Sabretooth works some manipulation magic on Boom Boom to make her blast him free of his restraints. Boom Boom comes off as a pretty stupid character here, one that it is hard to have a lot of sympathy for. She's got to be smarter than this, especially when Psylocke is the person that ends up paying the price.

Joe Madureira must have been licking his chops at the thought of drawing this issue. He's got the ninja psylocke running around in her swimsuit and the gigantic, hirsute Sabretooth locked up like Hannibal Lecter until his escape. It is very much like Silence of the Lambs, including the facial restraints Victor Creed wears for most of the issue. As for Psylocke, she has the shiniest breasts in comic book history in this one. An odd trophy, but one she deserves for a couple panels in this issue.

Mad didn't have enough time to set hte mood or to really follow up the classic Psylocke v. Sabretooth fight from Uncanny X-Men #213. Still, he does a nice job portraying Sabretooth's savage nature with both violence and facial expressions. Sabretooth is pretty much an irredeemable monster, and I can't wait to see him get what he deserves. (Unfortunately, I don't remember what book that happens in!)

Good

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #327 (1995)

Oof. Guys. I'm sorry. This is the issue that introduces Joseph into X-Men canon. At this point, I can't remember who exactly Joseph ended up being. (Wasn't he a clone of Magneto?) It seems clear that in Scott Lobdell's original story, this guy is supposed to be a de-aged Magneto who is young enough (in his twenties) to join the X-Men.

What a horrible, messed up idea. The purple prose and generic story don't help. Joseph wakes up in a South American orphanage where he befriends a beautiful nun and her youthful charges. Other than a few outbursts about Nazis and a fascination with mutants, Joseph seems pretty happy to bum around the farm.

But when pushed, he lets out the old Magneto and slaughters a group of drug runners who kidnapped his new friends. This story takes the whole issue to play out, with plenty of formulaic interactions and heavy handed dialogue about redemption. Hell, the cover summarizes the quality in one line "If SINS be FORGIVEN." Ugh.

Roger Cruz is on art again, and man, his stuff was not so good. He is clearly doing a similar style as Joe Mad, but his faces are far more inconsistent and the level of detail varies wildly from page to page. Perhaps drawing more costumes might have helped, but the grounded tone of the issue is not a good match for Cruz.

Sometimes it is impossible to read a comic and not dread what I know is coming later. Joseph's first appearance and his weird place in X-Men lore falls into that category.

Poor

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #326 (1995)

Happy New Year!

Today's issue has us getting more glimpses into Gambit's mysterious past before he joined the X-Men. In case you don't remember, Gambit was working for Mr. Sinister back in the old days, and he led the Marauders to the Morlocks before the Mutant Massacre. The guilt is ripping Remy LeBeau up, so he takes out his anger on the lobotomized Sabretooth the X-Men are "rehabilitating."

It's not even much of a fight, because Sabretooth is basically in a child-like state of mind. Now whether or not he's faking is still not clear as of this issue, but it is still a neat scene when Gambit has holograms of Creed's victims start showing up and accusing him of his past murders.

I'm not certain the continuity lines up anymore though. Since James Howlett and Sabretooth were kids around 1900, it makes the timeline for Creed's first murders when he was 9 seem a little bit off. Either way, it is a good scene. And at the close of the issue it sure looks like Sabretooth might be turning back into the bad guy we know and love.

There are a lot of pages dedicated to the Legacy Virus too. These pages don't hold my attention too well, as the whole arc seemed weird. I know the X-Men always stand in for the current persecuted people of the day, but the HIV/Legacy Virus thing was a big heavy handed.

It certainly doesn't help that the Legacy Virus took out Moira MacTaggart, a valuable supporting cast member who deserved a better send off.

Joe Madureira's art was so revolutionary at this time, I remember loving it. Now I'm struck by the lack of backgrounds and the heavy use of computer-generated images to try and give each page a sense of place. It's a pity that the foreground characters look so dynamic yet the primitive photoshop work doesn't. Again, Mad's Beast is the highlight of the issue, but he draws a mean Gambit too. I like the simplified outfit Storm has in this era too.

Good

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #325 (1995)

Maybe it is because this is an anniversary issue, but I actually remember this issue from my first read! It isn't that great of a comic, so I'm not sure why it stuck in my head. Perhaps it is due to the first appearance of Marrow, modern classic that she is.

One striking thought about Marrow is that she has gotten quite cleaned up over the years. Joe Madureira's Marrow is a lot uglier, with bad skin and bone spurs sticking out all over her body. In the modern era, Marrow is a lot more of a looker. I'm not opposed to the change, especially since she joined the X-Men.

Mad's kinetic artwork is always exciting, even if the proportions and perspective don't always match up. But that's OK, because this is hyper four-color action in the mighty Marvel manner. To this day, I don't think there is anyone who draws a better Beast than Joe Mad.

Scott Lobdell opens hte issue with that old X-Men chestnut; the inter-team baseball game. I'm not going to lie, it is pretty nice seeing the team like this again. Cyclops pitching, M at bat, Beast playing catcher, it just has a sense of family and fun that has been missing from the X-Men for a long, long time. Seriously, when was the last time that the X-books felt fun? Schism was dark, but I think it goes much further. M-Day was rough. That is going back a long, long time for a depressing era of mutant comics.

The modern darkness is even more striking because the characters in this book are constantly talking about how bad things are. Colossus returns after abandoning the team (and he's in a truly awful costume to make things worse). Wolverine is still rocking bone claws and a savage attitude. Cyclops? He's still the cool leader wearing a sleeveless hooded sweatshirt and ball cap. As a Colossus fan, I have to admit this is a very dark time for the character. He was hooking up with Callisto for heaven's sake! Domino is a pretty massive improvement!

The Gene Nation are never a huge threat in this issue. Vessel, Sack, and the other gross bozos are basically fodder for the X-team as Marrow takes on Storm. Marrow has attached a detonator to her heart, so if Storm fails to kill her, a bunch of humans will get blown up. It is kind of surprising seeing Storm just do what needs to be done and kill Marrow. (Of course, we know that this death doesn't stick for long.)

Lobdell does a nice job leveraging Storm and Wolverine's friendship as Storm deals with what she's done. These two characters have had a strong relationship for many years, something I didn't really remember.

Fair

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #324 (1995)

If you like action, then this one is for you, True Believers!

Not even the average art of Roger Cruz can dampen the mood when Sack and Vessel take on Cannonball, Wolverine, Beast, and Storm. And to be honest, I'm being a tad harsh. While the art isn't great, Cruz does a nice job on Beast, Cannonball, and the two villains. Wolverine looks a little too crazy for me (his mask would help) and Storm's sudden morphing into street clothes confused me for half the issue.

And Psylocke's psychic battle armor? Atrocious and weird. How could a metal suit cling that tightly to her butt?

Vessel's powers are a bill ill-defined; he can absorb the souls or psychic and physical power from those he kills. With 33 kills at a nearby nightclub, he's got enough in the tank to make it tough on Wolvie, Beast, and Storm. I do like bad guys that just take a big pounding, though. There is nothing too complicated in taking down the villain, just lots of punches, slashes, and lightning bolts.

Cannonball takes on Sack one on one in an enjoyable little fight that shows off the coolness of the "invulnerable while blasting" aspect of Cannonball's powers. That's always been one of the coolest powers in the comics and seeing it work against a weird possession villain is a neat twist.

The two villains reveal themselves as part of the Gene Nation, a group with ties to the Morlocks. Storm doesn't know exactly how that fits in with her memories of the underground mutant community, but I seem to remember this story introducing Marrow and bringing back a certain overpowered Russian mutant too. We'll see if I'm right in the upcoming issues.

The mysterious Gambit subplot isn't doing anything for me, just because whatever it is that Psylocke is looking for probably isn't that big a deal; I don't remember anything that affects the character these days. The Iceman and Rogue road trip is still weird too. Rogue is struggling to deal with a kiss with Gambit where she absorbed his memories, but again, Gambit just doesn't have enough interesting backstory to justify two subplots.

But the subplots don't take too many pages and most of the issue is straight-up action. I always appreciate that.

Good

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #323 (1995)

The hardest part about these reviews is finding the dang issue number on the front of the comic. Seriously, take a look at that cover and try to find it. Aargh!

This issue has pencils by a guy who I think could go places. Some dude named Bryan Hitch. How crazy is the run of artists on this title so far. It certainly isn't hurting matters having top notch artists working on all these old books. Many of them are still favorites of mine today.

Hitch does a decent job with the issue. He clearly enjoys drawing Rogue as she spends the entire issue in a tiny top and cut off jean shorts while road tripping with Iceman. Rogue maximizes every opportunity to stretch out and show off her outfit. Something tell me that it isn't doing anything for Iceman... (One small note, the previous issue described their road trip as being "ON THE RUN" and that really overstates the stakes of a flat tire.)

I don't love Hitch's design for Storm, a more regal-looking suit with a weird topknot. But the rest of the X-Men look good, I especially enjoyed the over-the-top hallucination of Emma Frost plaguing poor Iceman.

Back at the mansion, Archangel and Psylocke are flirting it up in the Danger Room (making sure to show off Psylocke's tiny swimsuit) while Cannonball takes care of the lobotomized Sabretooth. One thing that is clear from re-reading these issues is that everything is crossing over. Marvel clearly didn't think there were a lot of people reading this book but not X-Men or Wolverine. the plots are picked up and continued and cliff-hangered into and out of all the different books. Crazy.

I love Cannonball's early days on the X-Men. He was a refreshing voice and his attitude made older characters like Wolverine feel more dangerous. Cannonball had that generic costume too, which made him feel even more like a recent graduate to the X-Men. He is a great reader identification character.

The foils for this one are the now simple Sabretooth (who you just know is gonna be trouble) and the hilariously named Sack and Vessel. Sack looks like a wet glob around a skeleton who can slime into folks and control them while Vessel seems to be muscular. You've got to love mid-90's code names, huh?

Decent action, subplots, and nice art. I have to admit I'm enjoying this year's X-Mas!

Good

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #322 (1995)

Age of Apocalypse? Skipped it. We're back here with Uncanny X-Men after that whole hullaballoo wrapped up, with the start of a "modern classic" with Onslaught!

This issue is full of one of my favorite X-Men tropes, where the team is just sitting around waiting to be attacked. It would be better if they were in the mansion waiting, but I'll take what I can get.

The issue opens with Archangel (still with blue skin and blonde mullet) meeting up with his former love interest Charlotte, a cop who shows him a horrible new crime committed by a mutant on some human kids at a club. I'm more interested in the use of Warren Worthington's past as a plot device. The guy has had so many girlfriends he could probably launch a series just dealing with their issues. It's worth noting that Scott Lobdell does a nice job playing up the anti-mutant racism that is such a calling card of the X-Men. Most of the cops can't stand seeing Archangel at the crime scene, and one actually takes a shot at him!

Elsewhere, Beast and Bishop are leaving Pulp Fiction when the Juggernaut comes sailing down the street and crashes at their feet. Joined by Psylocke, the three X-Men actually do pretty well taking on the greatly weakened Juggernaut. I appreciated the constant commentary from Beast about how the three of them wouldn't even have a shot had Juggsy not been on his last legs. And who hurt Cain Marko this badly? Onslaught of course.

There is also an interlude with Wolverine, Storm, and Siryn, but all that did was make me wish that Siryn had spent some more time on the main X-Men roster taking her Dad's spot. Wouldn't it have been neat seeing her taking Banshee's spot on some pin-up style pages? Did that happen and I'm just not remembering it?

Tom Grummett provides the artwork and I have to say I loved it. The bright colors, the classic Beast and classic Juggernaut were a joy. I loved Siryn's look so much it actually made me want to see more of her. And I loved that Storm's walk in the rain would have been totally exploitative if drawn by a different artist (all she was wearing was a wet white dress). Grummet, Epting, and Garney, what a great run of talent on this book. Even early in their careers they are doing better work than a lot of modern X-artists.

I find myself really enjoying these back issues. Is it because they are actually decent or is it because I read them long ago and they imprinted on my impressionable mind?

Good

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #321 (1995)

Uhhhh.... there is some weird stuff in this one, folks.

This is part 3 of Legion Quest, so Scott Lobdell (plot) and Mark Waid (script) certainly have to deal with some mid-chapter nonsense for about half the book. The X-Men have teamed up with the Sh'iar to build a whacko device to send Cable's "astral self" to the past. This gives Cyclops, Rogue, Gambit, Beast, Jean Grey, Archangel, and Cable a chance to talk tough. This amused me since essentially only two X-Men were necessary for the scene. Jean Grey had to boost her powers and Cable had to go back in time. Maybe you could argue Beast helped build the gigantic time-phone, but other than that? Just grimacing and promises from the rest of the team.

In the past, the team is trapped in Israel, robbed of their memories. This is convenient since it means that Iceman, Bishop, Storm, and Psylocke haven't actually accomplished anything since we last saw them. By the end of the issue, Cable reminds them that they have a job to do (save the world, of course) but any actual conflict is going to be saved for part 4 in another title.

I did enjoy seeing Professor X and Magneto bonding in their younger days. This story is set shortly after they became friends, so the bonds are just starting, but the two guys clearly respect each other. I always thought this was a fascinating relationship and I enjoyed Marvel spending so much time expanding on it over the years. Clearly lots of people feel that way since the current X-Men movie franchise is built on the Charles/Erik bromance.

Remember when I said Legion wasn't very likable last issue? Then used his powers to go back in time? Well, in this one he uses his powers to impersonate his father and start kissing his mother. I can't really see what this accomplishes regarding his greater plot. I also can't figure out how far we are supposed to think Legion got with his emotionally disturbed parent. Either way... ewwww. Between this and the Ms. Marvel baby thing in Avengers 200 and Power Girl's pregnancy in the '90s, I really start to worry about the mental health of the comic book community.

Ron Garney provides the pencils for this one and much like Steve Epting a few issues ago, you can see how skilled this guy is. Sure, Archangel and Cyclops are built like tanks rather than their normal body shape. Rogue's eyes also take up more than a third of her face. But man, Beast is rocking a sweet mullet and Gambit looks TOUGH. Best of all, the action choreography of the opening bar fight is well done, including some nice facial expressions on all the combatants.

Fair (but almost Good)

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #320 (1995)

I'm having a hard time remembering exactly how the rosters were working for the X-Men around these issues. I thought it was still X-Men Blue and X-Men Gold teams, but the groups have been all mixed up for both issues. Were we already in the era of no set rosters?

In any case, this issue stars Storm, Jean Grey, Iceman, Bishop, and Psylocke as they travel to Israel to take on Legion in Legion Quest part 1. I'm not sure why the X-Men would only send a small team to take on god-level mutant, but that is neither here nor there.

This is a marked improvement over the previous issue. Scott Lobdell gets a dialogue assist from Mark Waid, so of course the quality is going to bump up some. Unfortunately, some unclear artwork and a very non-linear story don't make for a good mix.

Roger Cruz is not bound by the normal rules of comic book storytelling, so odd-shaped panels bounce the reader's eye all over the place. There are arrows to help you find the next panel in some cases, but not all. Then there are some pages that go across two pages and some that don't, all in all, this is a very hard issue to read.

I forgot how much I used to like Jean Grey. As a noted hater of telepaths, that takes something for me to admit. But her competence as team co-leader, her immense power levels, and that sweet pouch-filled '90s outfit make her a pretty neat character. Teen Jean just can't cut it when compared with the original.

Bishop does little more than scream, Iceman and Psyclocke are window dressing. Jean Grey manages to take on Legion for a few pages, but most of the issue is Legion showing off his new power levels. He takes Storm on a little time jaunt to show that he can now go back in time. I really like that the X-Men have basically given up by page one, leaving the entire battle in the hands of Storm. Storm is powerful, of course, but I never dreamed she'd be the character best equipped to take on Legion.

David Haller/Legion comes off as a whiny kid, as he always does. There is often a kindness to his character too, but in this issue he doesn't exhibit much to sympathize with. He's pretty cruel when he taunts Storm with a chance to change traumas in her past. C'mon David, why go through that just to upset Storm?

Fair

12 Days of X-Mas: Uncanny X-Men #319 (1994)

MERRY X-MAS!!!

I've been a little hard on the X-Men for a few years now. Hating on Bendis and now accusing Marvel of burying the team to put the shine on the Inhumans. Just last week I wrote about how poor I found the new flagship book to be in the X-line. But now, it is time for my annual 12 Days of X-Mas. We know Grant Morrison's run was sublime. We know Chuck Austen's run made readers' eyes bleed. So let's pick an era that gets less attention. Let's look at the mid-1990's.

In the glory days of 1994, were the X-Men comics as good as I remember?

Randomly starting with issue 319, it seems I may have been off. This is clearly one of the "rest" issues between big storylines (I believe Phalanx Covenant had just wrapped up and Age of Apocalypse was about to begin.)

This issue only follows a few of the X-Men, and each story is more boring than the last. Iceman and Rogue get the most page time, but they spend it all moping. This is firmly in the time when I was certain that Iceman was about to come out as a gay man (it just took another 21 years). The heavy-handed, purple prose from writer Scott Lobdell makes it clear that there was a new direction for the character on the way. And since the issue focused on Bobby Drake's difficult relationship with his parents and Bobby's trouble with relationships, it seems like this was right in line with 1994 thinking on the subject.  Rogue is a supportive friend here, with little of the fire that has made her into one of my favorite characters. Steve Epting does a wonderful job with her, though. Even in street clothes she looks fantastic.

Archangel (rocking blue skin and a blonde mullet) and Psylocke are getting together in the second storyline. And again, the dialogue is painful. The two talk about whether they should pursue their mutual attraction or if it is too complicated in the X-Men's world. I always liked these two together.

The last storyline sets up Age of Apocalypse, with Professor X's son Legion showing up in an ominous dream, threatening about how the world would be better had Professor X and Magneto not split the mutants over the last decades. I suppose this counts as some sort of action, but really, it is a dream, so I can't count it.

What a waste of Steve Epting's talents. He's the guest penciller here, and knowing how good he was even in 1994, I wish he had been able to show off his skills on some good villains or at least our core cast in uniform.

One last question: how do Archangel's wings work? That cover has me confused!

Average

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New Avengers #1-3

This one was off to a slow start, but Al Ewing has made up for a slow premiere issue with a couple nice follow-ups.

First of all, I appreciate how quickly the team dispatched their first adversary, the Ultimate Universe's Maker. I'm not a fan of the core concept (Evil Reed) so I don't usually enjoy his appearances. Calling him Maker and giving him the silly helmet only help a bit.

The second round of antagonists seem a bit more fun. A cult of mixed-heritage Kree and Skrulls are either new friends or new enemies for our heroes, it is too early to tell which. Either way, I was surprised at how much my daughters enjoyed the silliness surrounding Hulkling's role as the group's savior. Ewing is doing a nice job getting my kiddos to appreciate the former Young Avenger. They also liked Power Man poking holes in Wiccan's code name. It doesn't take a lot, just a little hook to get them interested in new characters.

The sell was a lot easier on the rest of the cast. My gals loved Mighty Avengers over the past few years, so Power Man and White Tiger are already solidly in the "cool" column for them. Squirrel Girl? Well, they are obsessed with her, so she's a huge win. Songbird has a place in their hearts from the old Ultimate Alliance 2 video game. They (like their Dad) prefer the "real" Hawkeye over his current movie counterpart though. They also don't seem very drawn to Sunspot. Hopefully Roberto can use some powers soon? Most of my affection for Sunspot goes back to the Cannonball days where they loved Magnum PI, so it would be great to see Roberto do a little more in the field (his powers are so wonderfully visual).

And I will point out that I love the idea of a Cthullu-esque villain from a former iteration of the universe as the first ongoing foil for the team. Maybe Ewing could throw in a magic-based guest star or two in upcoming issues.

Gerardo Sandoval's art rubbed us the wrong way at first, specifically with how crazy his Squirrel Girl looks. But by issue 2? The whole fam had bought in to the kinetic, frenetically paced artwork. Sandoval's art is a tad too cartoony for me, but my daughters love it.

Good